I am worst enemy of myself and I love winning over myself. Well this section describes my different encounters with my inner self when I was caught in between low and high phases of life. Well, there are many types of fights rather wars that I have fought with myself and have won but few are existing which I fail even to dare. And, there are few which I always think to escape.
>>JUST GIVE ME SATISFACTION
I have transmogrified, is it true? If true what has led it too, ‘am I heading towards something that's not me or I am going towards my destiny? An evolutionary end, a dead end! Was I better before or I am better now? Are some questions which haul and scares me now and then. But my age guides me that I am right, though an obsolete person whom I myself don’t know, and ‘am not able to understand. May be the blame goes to my age, my aura but I am entangled in my own web circumnavigating in my own mind. Gosh! The way I flushed is becoming difficult. I want to be back in that state so I have bashed my stact and the thing I extol, again,
Lackadaisical, wishy-washy and phlegmatic,
Are the words I betray?
I keep away from,
Jamboree or mutilation,
All are same.
How I act is simply odd,
But it’s the nature,
I’ve made,
My antiquity is different,
And my present,
Is Judas to my mind,
None is there that manumits,
My soul,
Kamikaze was the solution I thought,
I am tough to fight,
So, that failed too,
I am pacified with some talks,
That’s rare with my own,
I would call relations,
But one I was once angry upon,
Has made me relief,
My aim was different but I am,
Fighting for other,
For original no power is left,
I pray if there’s some guide, some divine,
Make me clear in mind,
And guide to something,
You like,
Just give me satisfaction.
>>MADE OUT OF WOODS
Made out of wood,
That smoke went on,
Burnt and burnt me,
With the full throttle,
That it itself,
Has never ever thought.
Lost in drinks,
I played my games,
I don’t know why?
I analyzed,
Someone I always avoided off!
The smoke that I have accepted,
Just cause she liked that,
Poked in myself,
In a way I never ever thought,
Sitting with the thoughts,
I just got myself out in one.
Seeing this world,
I don’t know why?
I care bout some,
That again I have never ever thought,
I don’t know again,
If I am mad,
Or mad is the world,
But the motive behind everything,
Appears the same.
What happiness?
And what pain?
Is in life,
When life itself,
Is still lost in smoke!
How one finds out someone,
Among these woods,
To share the truths,
Lie itself!
I saw the smoke,
And saw the water,
All appeared to me same!
Running away of my name,
I don’t know where,
I am going to find,
Some very same.
Got the choice,
But it was too far,
I don’t know again,
If am myself a fool,
Else how come are they so cool?
But still there’s one thing,
I always know,
I will wait n wait,
And it’s a promise,
Not to anyone but my own,
My wait will come out to be some time very true.
>>MANUMIT MY SOUL
Intent ’am I,
In my own renegade,
Which once swaggered & vaunted,
Of itself toughness,
Is lying in a manner,
That’s cavernous,
I think if I can,
Transform the world,
I think if I can,
Create some space,
Where the psychic,
Of mine can mitigate.
I can’t brandish,
Someone I abhor,
How can I make,
My lips to a leer,
To clear away the bog,
And to ply the reek away,
Saying of life is unburnished,
All the blames,
Somehow comes in my plunge,
Whatsoever makes me to do it?
Has not been opened,
But the bottle of mine is piped down.
When I was juvenile,
Or even not yenning,
The days I remember,
I was woebegone,
Blamed of all,
Wooed of my lei,
Said things now and then,
Then why they pass manacle,
When I repeat the same,
Why they treat as I’m a menhir,
Oh! God help me out,
&, manumit my soul. Please!
This was the poem I wrote while recalling some bad painful moment of my past
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